Entries of Change

My next post is about a dear friend. He has unknowingly been a source of inspiration to many around him, including me. The entries are completely fictional, mere ‘paraphernalia’ in my endeavor to describe him. I have written them as an observer of his life in college.

I call him ‘R’ on popular request!

15^st August, 2006

“It's my first week in college. R catches my eye because of his peculiar behavior. He behaves as though he is trying too hard, yet not hard enough. He has an old friend, who provides him with an innate sense of security. R tries hard to keep this friend happy, he feels protected around him.

His friend mocks him in public. I can see how much this offends him. R once tried confronting his friend, only to be subjected to more mockery and condescension. In a way he expects too much from his friend, in a way he expects the least. He appears trivial and docile. Insignificant things affect him to tears. He does not understand moderation, Pity is all he gets. Oddly, pity satisfies him.”

When we are somewhere new, we find solace and comfort in a known face. Contrary to people finding that reassuring, there is a sense of stagnancy and dependability involved. By relying on that friend completely, R shut all his possibilities of change. This friend wouldn’t view him any differently than what he had for the past 5 years. Any change in R’s personality would only have him endure allegations of pretence and charade from his best friend. Even though it’s comfortable, people need new beginnings to constantly reinvent themselves.

Without amendment, one remains the ‘Mistake’ one is.

15^th August, 2007

“I have been talking with R at great lengths. He understands his need to turn over a new leaf. He works for it. He writes about it every day, writes so that change is engraved in his being. R struggles with the physical and mental changes he needs to bring about himself. Focusing on his fitness and looks provide him with a sense of control over his life.

R was always very social. He just needs faith and confidence. Above all, he needs new friends. People who will hear and respect him for that changed man he strives to be.”

We all need a noticeable ‘pre-change’ phenomenon to get accustomed to and finally embrace change. For most of us, a change in our physical appearance usually precedes any form of change in our outlooks or personalities. This is primarily because any visible evidence of our success is the most encouraging.

Even if we do get past our fears and conquer change and its monstrosities, one atrocious joke will never make the same audience laugh again, no matter how much you polish it. Life has default resets all along. When you shift schools, college, jobs, partners, etc. but, the real challenge is being able to reset with the same people, in the same place with the same prejudices.

All a man is, is what ‘people’ perceive him to be.

15^th August, 2008

“I see R now and he seems happy. People love to be in his company. His charms are effortless when it comes to girls. His chivalry gets him both admiration and respect. He is the most popular person on campus. There is no one I know who dislikes R. I wonder how he did it. I wonder if I am made of the same ‘stuff’ he is. I applaud his victory. I applaud his perseverance.”

R made new beginnings and new friends. People loved him for his neutral perspective and polite disposition. His positive and enthralling attitude absorbed seas of humanity into the zeal of his temperament. He let go of his past inhibitions and dared to venture into his faith. I say faith because it’s sometimes ourselves that we find the most worthless and testing.

Sometimes, an attachment to one’s past inhibitions and reticence are admonition to evasiveness and bland insipid comfort. To embark upon a journey of self actualization and conviction to that extent, is the true sign of defiance against monotony, that which truly ends life.