Overrated Maturity...My favourite

It’s odd to find thoughts still stagnant after a substantial passage of time and on the contrary observing how human nature changes in such tiny time frames.I created this blog 3 years ago, without the time to publish a single entry. I find my self mystified at the déjà vu (like situation) I face before me. On one hand, I have changed so much, from the vivacious, candid brat to the melancholic dejected patron of pessimism. But, on the other hand I find maturity has not hit me yet, but a sense of losing my innocence has.

Is maturity another name for pretentious indifference? I find people putting me in the ‘grow up!’ category every time I let my stubbornness get the better of them. Is maturity an alibi for lack of perseverance? I am passionate about little things. People like to read my passion as arrogant bolshie. I go out of my way and force things to happen according to my train of thought, seldom caring for its validity or affect on others. It might sound selfish, leading to the (im) M word, but then, that’s mostly defined by the people losing against me.

This rarely bothers me, but when it does, the magnitude is gigantic. I feel depressed at my lack of steady relationships and helpless to the extent of frustrating suicidal tendencies at imminent (anticipated) failures. There are two major lanes my brain picks from. The first is a blame game, to change and accept life and its disappointments. The other is to stay put, be miserable and cry, but be stubborn and fight till all reserves are negative. I always take the second option. It is mentally taxing, and I end up making more enemies. But, at the end of the day, I am content at the thought of giving it more than my all. I am proud of being Caesar and Alexander. I know in my ‘innocent and simple’ heart that there is nothing more that could be done by anyone, and I am truly a winner.

People create maturity to assure themselves that giving in to troubles and misfortunes is the ‘right thing to do’. Why go through the surgical pain of endurance when u can take the easy way out of the ordeal. Maturity is the name given to actions of ‘gracious’ cowardice.